Green Module
Module orange had a lot to do about self-empathy, and now our next module (green) will involve empathy for others.
Session 6: Self-concept in relation to peer and family dynamics
Empathy for others is such a critical area for one's mental health and an area that so
many "grownups" mess up unfortunately. Kind of like how forgiveness is
so misunderstood by "grownups"...and world leaders...and approached in
an unhelpful way.
It just so happens that we are going to be talking about empathy and forgiveness in same module. Here's the trajectory:
- awareness
of how relationships impact self-concept. "how many of you have doubted
yourselves because of what you thought someone else (a teacher, a
parent, a peer) thought of you?" "have you noticed how easily these
thoughts improve after talking to someone, explaining yourself, helping
others understand you, or just simply being aware of your thoughts? In HSR-1, so many of the students indicated that they agree or strongly agree to doubting themselves
- emphasizing how communication is about helping others understand you. And, allowing others to help you understand where they're coming from. Self-empathy and empathy are critical here. Giving ourselves space to understand ourselves...and giving others space to help us understand where they're coming from. The ingredient that makes all this work is recognizing our dignity and the dignity of others. Giving ourselves space is a form of self-respect. Giving others space and allowing them to talk (rather than cutting them off and completing their sentences, playing mindreader, and presuming what they think and saying stuff like "you always do this" "you always make me feel like.." ...sound like what we see with couples counseling right??!) is respecting their dignity. Even saying stuff like "oh you must feel so bad about that" is nonempathetic.. even though it's sympathetic...
- Anger. What's anger really about? When angry, how do you choose the higher road, how do you choose what's healthiest..
- Forgiveness.
Forgiveness is the very definition of being mentally health. It is like
doing mental health at the highest level. Like competing in the
olympics/NBA/NFL of mental health. With forgiveness, all your mental health skills, every brain cell and nerve in your body, are put to the test. It basically boils down to letting yourself
feel the most excruciating pain caused by someone else (or yourself) and
not running away from it. Letting yourself feel that excruciating pain
to the point that it's just you and the pain. No "other" person. No
blame game. No "she did this to me" /"he did this to me". No "I'm still processing this". No venting. Only when
it's just purely you and your pain can you finally arrive at the point when you can
say "that's enough!" "God, please stop the pain!" "I want to be on the
path of healing!" Otherwise...if you don't focus on your pain, then it
becomes about other people, it gets "infected" like a deep cut or
scrape that you don't disinfect. It turns into a grudge, you begin
giving your energy to "getting even" and blaming others. That turns into other problems such as seeking revenge. The pain gets
swept under the rug and trips you up even though you feel you're in
control. Forgiveness is about taking ownership over the situation and
allowing yourself to be in the moment. When you're in the moment,
that's when you can have a tomorrow. Otherwise, you're forever stuck in
the past. That's all forgiveness is truly about. It's about giving yourself enough love to fully feel your pain, giving yourself enough love to know the humanness at your core, at your most vulnerable. Then, giving yourself enough love to say "I want healing. True healing." You don't even need to tell the "other person" that you're going to go the forgiveness route, because forgiveness is about you, it's not about them. It's about YOU, YOUR pain, OUR shared humanity, and GOD.
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